Thursday, 3 September 2015

THREE | I remember you was conflicted...

I've known I had a gift for writing from quite young - primary school age.

I remember I would always get awards from the head teacher for my creative writing and A* from my class teachers and often had to read my work in front of the rest of the class. I was never boastful with it, I just knew it was something I enjoyed doing and was passionate about. I loved creating my own world, characters and being in charge of their development and the how the story would progress.

I was quite a gifted illustrator too!

I always had images in my stories and art is another thing I was pretty good at in school.

I was also quite active in the 'fan fic' scene back when message boards were a thing. I'd write stories with the B2K members, Bow Wow and whoever else was a hot commodity at the time. I honestly wish I could find them and post them on here, I remember them being very well detailed but just truly and utterly unrealistic.

As I got older, I thought I'd fallen out of love with writing and producing a piece of writing, but subconsciously, that feeling had never left, I just became more passionate about other things and let those things distract me.

Now at 25, I've only now just realised this is my God-given talent.

I don't think people understand, writing is a whole process... there's a whole process that has to take place in your mind before you even attempt to pick up a pen or open Microsoft Word. To be honest, I think that's partly what puts me off writing these days, I'm so critical of my work - it really pains me sometimes!

I have to literally train my mind to behave a certain way in order for me to focus and come up with content that I'll be at least content with. It's a constant battle and inner conflict and easy to take out the frustration on other things.

I suffer from writer's block a lot, mainly from overthinking and am always seeking inspiration.
There was a period where I would write dozens of stories in my little note book I got from my after school centre but could never finish any of them. Tragic.

We'll just never know the fate of David and Emily's dysfunctional relationship or what happened to their poor, adopted dog, Warren.

However, the older I get I'm slowly starting to see there's inspiration in so many other things, you can literally step outside your house, see something and it will inspire a thought.

An idea.

A story.

An opinion piece.

A song - whatever.

I've learned it's about altering your perspective, training your mind and thoughts and ultimately having a vision.

I need to work on not giving myself such a hard time about people not being able to understand what I'm trying to communicate. I believe the more I keep writing, the more I'll start to ease up on myself.

This post has actually inspired me to start song-writing again, so look out for those - if I'm brave enough to post them!

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